


When you became my cage

by Noble_Iris



Category: Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: AU, AU - Ashifters and Tamers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ashifter!Sebastian, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tamer!Chris
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4032817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noble_Iris/pseuds/Noble_Iris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian is an Ashifter, a person who can change in an animal.<br/>Chris is a Tamer, a person an Ashifter needs to suppress his wildest part of himself.</p>
<p>Sebastian never looked for his Tamer but he starts to get anxious and scared since he starts to lose control of his animal part. He knows that he will soon get in trouble and he's not ready for what he will have to endure now that he doesn't have a Tamer.</p>
<p>Chris looked for his Ashifter for years, but after 25 he decided to give up and started to build his own life and career. He still can't let go of the thought that someone there is lonely but still doesn't wants him as a Tamer.</p>
<p>They don't know that they are more than simply humans but when an accident occurs, their life change forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, new "writer" here.
> 
> Actually i wanted this to be Original but i'm too stuck on Evanstan xD So here i am.  
> English is my third language so please bear with me.  
> [Constructive]criticism is always welcome.

Earth isn't inhabited just by merely humans.

Underneath, there are all kind of species that actually pass as humans that the governs try to discover and suppress so that the majority can still live in peaceful ignorance.

 

In a world where almost 1,2% of the population are Ashifters and Tamers, two people's destinies finally get tied together.

 

Christopher Robert Evans is a Tamer.

He's part of one of the biggest known family of Tamers and he's proud of it.

He learned since he was a child that one day he will have to became a responsible Tamer and he will have to give a big part of his life to an Ashifter.

And he was more than ready.

But after waiting more than 25 years of his life for his Ashifter, he decided to forget what he was born for and make his own life.

 

 

Sebastian Stan is an Ashifter.

Born from a human mother and an Ashifter father, when he was 3 years old they discovered that he had his father's genes.

He actually loved being an Ashifter, he felt more free, happy and powerful when he was in his other form.

Then he learned that to be able to maintain his sanity he needed a Tamer to be able to control his wildest part of his form.

He never looked for his Tamer, actually he tried to avoid The pull, but at age 32 he's living with the fear that soon he will finally snap and lose himself.

 

A Tamer is a person with special abilities and skills that can subdue an Ashifter's wildest part.

An Ashifter is a person who is capable of changing in an animal.

 

They both lost their hope.

They both lost their life goal.

They both lost their biggest dream.

They both lost the want to meet each other.

But they didn't know that their fate didn't change and that their life was about to start.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is an Ashifter without a Tamer.  
> He knows what it's going to happen to him.  
> But it does nothing to soothe his fears.

Everything started months ago, if not years.

I knew what to expect, I knew that I was fading away but it still scared me. I wasn't ready to let all my life, my family and friends behind but as always it wasn't my choice.

I tried as hard as I could to stay sane for all the duration of the filming of the new Captain America movie but the worried glances Anthony was throwing me every time we met on set made me realize that I wasn't actually succeeding.

One of the worst moments I had was actually just a few days from the end of the filming.

I was so tired that I could barely stay concentrated on my stunts and the urge I had of just running away from all those eyes that were on me and hide was making me anxious. I felt as my skin was about to break, I was feeling as if it was too small for my body.

“Sebastian, let's let the other guys do it.” I barely heard the director. I took a few deep breaths of air. I was getting angry for making all those people wait but I just couldn't do it. It wasn't a really complicated move, but my head was slipping, wanting just to let out my best inside me.

“Look Seb, we get it. You are tired. We will use a stunt double, don't worry, it's not-”

“I said I will do it!” I half-shouted half-growled interrupting the director and I instantly looked around when I noticed that most of the staff was looking at me. Embarrassed, I ducked my head, the weird feeling I had started spreading all over in chest, making me more angry with myself and of a sudden it was harder to breath. “I-I'm sorry... I didn't... want to. I mean, yeah, I guess I'm too tired. I will just... go.” I mumbled and started to walk towards my changing room without waiting for a response.

I was so in my own world that I didn't even noticed Chris, who was walking with some bottles of water towards the set, and I almost dumped in him.

“Hey, everything ok?” he asked and I stopped, looking at him and blinking a few times. He was wearing normal clothes since he had finished filming for the day. He was looking at me with such a concerned expression that it left me struck for a moment but as soon as I noticed that the itch was getting even stronger I smiled, or just tried to, to ease him a little.

“Yes, i'm fine. Could you please tell Anthony that I asked for him if you see him around?” I said and he suddenly signed and started walking with an murmured “sure”.

I started to walk too, a little lost since Chris' reaction was quite unusual but I had to let go of this thoughts when I went inside and dropped on the nearest chair.

Slowly my anger started to go away but I was felling so out of my skin, so... strange being in this form that it scared me.

When I abruptly heard my door opening I bolted, ready to jump at whoever's throat tried to enter my territory and when the silence was interrupted by a low growl I realised how I was reacting.

“Shit.” Anthony said and as soon as I understood that it was him I set down on the chair and I rubbed my face ruining all my make-up. “Dude, it's bad. Your eyes were glowing again.” he whispered taking the other seat. I was so wounded up and far from this world that I could fell Mackie's heart beats and they were too fast for a normal person.

He really got scared.

And it made me feel even more furious. He was my fucking friend and for a second I really wanted to jump on him and... the next thought made me shiver.

“Sorry, I didn't meant to.” I muttered finally looking at him and he just smiled, but still with a worried expression.

“I heard about your outburst. Man, that was so out of character.” 

An hysterical laugh bubbled in my throat and I gulped, swallowing it, felling sweat running down by back, if from the filming I did earlier or from my current problem I couldn't tell.

“But now seriously, Sebastian. Can we do something about it? 'cause shit, you're really worrying me here. It gets too out of hand and you... aren't you anymore.” he continued and I simply put my head in my hands wanting for this damn feeling to disappear. I wanted to scratch myself until I'd break the skin. I wanted to scream and run and free myself of this anger that wasn't even mine. I wanted to transform and let my beast inside me loose to do whatever it wants and it was scaring the hell out of me.

My emotions were stronger and my body started to be dominated by them.

I was gradually losing control over what I was felling and doing.

“Sebastian.” I looked up at Mackie and just then a remembered that I had to answer him but before I even opened my mouth he continued. “You told me that you are like this because you don't have a Tamer, right? How do we find him?” he was so earnest to help me that it actually made me smile. I was really lucky to have a friend like him, and even if he discovered that I could transform in an animal in a really weird way he still remained. It was my fault that I went for a run a little before the sunrise in my other form and unfortunately Mackie was parking behind my apartment right when I got out of the park behind. And not knowing what to do so he wouldn't call the police, I took the risk and I got back in my human form right in front of him. It was a big shock back then and it got even bigger when I had to inform him about what the government was keeping secret and about the fact that I was called an Ashifter and I didn't had a Tamer, a person who could control me, my other part. But my smile suddenly dropped when I registered his question.

“No, I'm about to reach my breaking point. It's too late.” I breathed still looking at him. I didn't know if I should tell him what was going to happen to me later on. I didn't want him to worry more but he was also the only friend I had that knew my secret and he deserved the truth. “Usually an Ashifter and a Tamer find each other when the Ashifter reaches the legal age. They can feel The pull.” I said tapping my chest.”So even if they are continents apart they can meet if they listen to it. It's like a string, a felling that tells you which way to go to find the other. I actually felt it for the first time when I arrived here, in America. I've been so scared then that I totally ignored it and shut it down. I didn't want a Tamer. I always thought that they were like a leash, I didn't want a stranger to tell me what to do when I was transforming, to ruin the freedom I felt and have him around every day.”

“The thought of having a Tamer is really so awful?” asked Mackie and I chuckled, finally being able to breath normally. Having someone to talk to about being an Ashifter was doing wonders to my mood. 

“Back then yes, because I never really understood why we needed them. But know it's too late. I crossed the age.” I uttered and when I noticed Machie's raised eyebrows in question I continued, trying not to sound as frightened and resigned as I was feeling. ”Ashifter over 30 years old get locked.” I took a deep breath. “Around 30 years old Ashifters without a Tamer start to lose their humanity. They can remain forever in their animal form and give themselves to their instincts.” I had to clear my throat a couple a times and look in front of me and not at Anthony's shocked face. “There's a governmental organization that tries to keep track and discover the Tamers ans Ashifters so that they can prevent any rogue Ashifter for hurting humans. If they track you, they can take you and lock you for all your remaining life like an actual animal.” I looked down and I saw that my hands started to tremble so hard that I had to put them between my knees to keep them still. “In reality I'm still here just because they didn't know I'm an Ashifter, when I came from Europa nobody noticed me, I passed as a human but... now I'm over 30 and I'm starting to lose control.” I whispered the last words.

I knew for years that my days were counted, I could feel under my skin my beast side starting to get a mind of his own and forcing the feelings on the surface, making me act more aggressively.

“But wait... you are still here. So we can still search for your Tamer. I don't get why is late.”

I smiled sadly and pushing me on the back of the chair I covered my eyes with the forearm, suppressing any emotion that wanted to choke me.

“Well... he gave up on me too. I can't feel The pull since I was 24.” 

 

After the talk with Anthony I felt better and went to apologise and continue the filming. I was so ashamed for my outburst but no one told me anything bad.

It was night when we stopped for the day and after changing my costume I went to give good night to all and started walking towards my hotel room when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped turning around, my heart skipping some beats when I got face to face with Chris.

“Chris.” I said stupidly making a step behind since we were almost breathing the same air. I could feel my cheeks starting to redden, dammit. “What are you still doing here? You finished filming hours ago.” I said cringing a little for my harsh tone but Chris didn't answered, he just stared at me for some seconds making me blush harder and biting my lower lip in anxiety. Something must have happened if he was still here.

Suddenly Chris shoved in my face a pack on chips and I had to stop for a moment to think about what the hell was going on.

“Umh... night snack?” he murmured tipping the head to a side so he could see me since the pack stayed hanged in the air between us. “If you want... I mean, shit. You are tired, right? I mean... damn, of course you are. Sorry, I just thought-”

“Sure.” I said interrupting him since I knew how he could go on and start to apologise for the idea. Even if the truth was that I was pretty tired, more psychologically actually, Chris' presence was pretty soothing, and I always enjoyed talking with him. He was the type of person I always admired, he loved helping others and sometimes I founded myself looking after him on set.

I smiled when we started walking barely keeping myself of saying that I had chips and cokes too in my room.

We started talking about what movie should we watch when we arrived, and I went directly to the mini fridge for the drinks while he dropped on the sofa in front of the TV, searching for something good.

I went near him, a calm silent starting to born between us and I realised that I really liked it. It was actually the first time in the last weeks that I was serene, a warm comfortable feeling started to spread from the chest to all my body, melting all my dark thoughts and making me so pliant that I dropped my head on Chris' shoulder.

“Hey.” he abruptly said in a serious tone and I moved, seeing that maybe I was bothered him, and I gave him my full attention. He frowned for a moment looking at his shoulder but then he seeked my eyes and I was left breathless when those blue orbs kept staring at me. “Are you ok?” he asked and I shook my head when the warmth keep diffusing all over my body almost making me want to purr. Which sent me in an stock because I never purr. Ever.

“Sebastian?” asked the blonde startling me when he touched me on the hand, giving me a weird ticklish sensation.

“What?” I asked absently, frowning at my hand when he let me go because it never happened before. Chris was a pretty touchy person but that thing moments ago was pretty weird. For a moment I felt reassured and more calm than even.

“Seb, seriously are you ok?” I looked at him, noticing that he was almost starting to fidget, taking a pillow from behind and putting it in his lap to start torturing it. “I wasn't there today when you... well, when that thing happened, but everyone was worried. I mean, you are... umh, calm and you listen to everything without complaining so it was quite a shock. But are you really fine? You can talk to me if you want... You have Mackie, I know... b-but I thought that maybe, I mean, I'm your friend too and... you can tell me anything. I won't judge I promise.” he finished earnestly and I smiled, wanting to hug him so bad, but I just patted his arm lamely because for some reason I was recalcitrant in touching him more than necessary.

“Yes, I'm just... having some problems.” I said and when Chris noticed that I wasn't continuing his face felt and I started to feel bad. He was my friend too, and I always liked being around him, but he didn't know about me. He didn't know what an Ashifter was and I couldn't tell him. I already risked too much when Mackie found out and I couldn't revel myself to Chris, even if I wanted to. It was actually worthless since I'd soon stop being an Ashifter.

“But Anthony knows about them.” he uttered casually turning towards the TV's screen as if it was nothing big. And if it wasn't for his gloomy face I could have believed him. Chris was a good actor, but he never masked his emotions when he was with people he trusted.

“Yeah, he... knows. It's not that I don't want to tell you. You are a good friend Chris, it's just... I just can't.” I murmured but Chris just squeezed my arm and began to watch the TV.

I felt awful for all the rest of the night and even when Chris left to his room assuring me that if I couldn't talk about it with him it was ok, I couldn't shake the feeling that he was trustworthy enough to know about it. But in the end the less knew about my secret the better.

Filming lasted for other 4 days, and even if it wasn't in my character, for the first time I was actually happy that it was over. I didn't want to separate from others, but I was barely able to not to growl when I was disagreeing with someone or to run far from there when they were shouting “action”.

“See you later then?” asked Chris after a round of applause and hugs from everyone. I smiled sadly and patted him on the back. He was the one who I would miss more 'cause even if we were friends we barely keep in touch when we weren't filming. Usually I'm afraid of disturbing people so I never called him, just a text sometimes of a call for a coffee if we were in the same town.

“If you mean at the after party, I won't be there.” I replied when all of a sudden I felt as someone was intensely watching me and noticed that Scarlet was approaching us and the look he gave me made me unease. She didn't seem mad but he was staring at me as if she could see directly in my soul.

“But why not?”

“Umh...” I looked at Chris and just then I noticed the kicked puppy expression he had and I felt a little stab in my chest. “Sorry, but I don't feel very well, I already booked a plane so I'm leaving tonight.” I almost winced when his face felt even more, I thought I already told him that I was leaving as soon as the filming was over. But it seemed that in the last days I've been so concentrated on keeping my calm that I pushed my friends from me without even wanting to.

He passed a hand over his face exactly when Scarlet stepped at his left and she squeezed his arm smiling. She looked so different from Black Widow that sometimes it left me stuck.

“So I heard that you're not coming later.” she said and I started to fell uncomfortable, her presence wasn't as soothing as Chris' and we never really bounded on the set s I did with Mackie and Chris. We appreciated each other as colleagues, and in the beginning a took some lunches with her and Chris but nothing more.

“Yeah.” She kept staring at me and after some more seconds I took a step back, indicating the hotel we stayed in. “I will just...” I started when I felt Chris touching my arm and soon my skin started to get more warm.

I thought about this weird feeling days ago but I never really came up with a name for it. He could calm me down a little when he touched me and the only one who could fully do this it was my Tamer. But Chris wasn't a Tamer, he didn't have the rhomb tattoo on his wrist that was marking all the Tamers.

“So... we will see each other at the premiere?” he asked coming closer and I could fell my heart starting to beat faster seeing his wistful expression. When I was in Chris' proximity I always felt weird and most of the time I didn't know even why.

“Yes.” _or I hope so_ I answered trying to smile. “I will see you around then.” and without an other word I left because I didn't want to let anyone see how regret, sorrow and resentment wanted to choke me, making my eyes shine with unshed tears.

My days were counted, and the end was approaching too fast for me.

“Sebastian!” I heard a voice calling after I changed and got out the set. I looked behind and noticed Scarlet in her Black Widow attire coming towards me with the same intensity in her eyes as before and it put me on guard for some reason.

“Yes?” I asked waiting for her and then she took something out of her pocket, launching it at me and my hands moved, catching it out of instinct but when I open my palms and saw what it was I went still, even my breath stopped in my lugs.

“You lost it yesterday after changing.” she explained coming in front of me. “I knew something was weird with you these months but I never thought that you were an Ashifter too. Are you planning on using it?” whispered and I took big gulps of air, staring at her, trying to understand if it was my imagination or I really heard her saying “too”.

“Wait... you...” I tired to say and she just nodded smiling but her eyes went serious when she looked at the bracelet I had in my palm.

“You are without Tamer, right? Are you planning on using it?”

My eyes went to the object I had in my hands that I always kept hidden in my wallet. I let my shoulders drop, whipping any forced expression from my face and I let her see how I truly felt. I passed a hand through my hair, my breath becoming more ragged when my hands started trembling.

Scarlet slowly came closer, rubbing my arms and I was glad that it wasn't pity what I saw in her eyes because she understood, or trying too.

“You know what will happen if you use it, right?”

I wanted to tell her that yeas, I was fully aware because my adoptive father, who's an Ashifter that lost his Tamer 5 years ago, used the bracelet and he went in coma for some days, waking then without a memory of the last 10 years and even now he kept forgetting things, most of the time he had huge headaches that were leaving him in bed all day.

I knew that it will do to me if I'd use the bracelet.

I'd be left in my human form, but it could cause brain damage... and send my beast inside of me to sleep forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first chapter, i will write the next one in Chris' pov.
> 
> Please comment with any thoughts, ideas or questions, I'm new to all this stuff and I really really hope that my english isn't as bad as i think and that you understood something out of it.


	3. Chapter 3

It was my first week in Boston, and with other two weeks away from the new Captain America film premiere I decided to stay with my family, a well deserved month of relax before I had to start doing interviews and travel to promote the movie. I always felt strange after the end of a movie, going for a full day to doing nothing at all, just what I wanted, made me feel a little empty, like something was missing from my life. I did liked having time for myself, but I liked more working, knowing I was doing something productive, something that would make other's people life maybe more fun for some couple of minutes.

“Chris, sweetie, the dinner is ready.” I heard my mom calling from downstairs and when I went down, Scott was already eating, shrugging when my mom send him some death glares, probably for not waiting for all the family.

“And dad?” I asked sitting down and just then I heard the door opening, my dad taking off his coat and greeting my mom with a kiss.

“Oh, right in time.” he said smiling at us and sit down next to my mom, talking about his day at work while me and Scott started eating in silence, listening to his story about the first time of a little girl at the dentist, while mom stuffed our plates when she saw that it was going empty.

I loved my family more than anything, because after a bad day, they were the only ones who could cheer me up just being themselves, talking and laughing without a care in the world. When we were together our problems seemed to disappear, at least for some hours.

“So” my dad said all of a sudden, turning towards me “you said you were going tonight to that doctor to hide you wrist.” His tone was a little hard, I knew he was disagreeing with what I was doing. I looked at my pulse, where a black tattoo in a diamond shape, no more than a centimetre, was visible, and it was actually a little disorienting seeing it there, then I looked at my mom's and Scott's, where the diamond was split in four equal triangles.

“Yes. Usually when I go and take off the patch he puts an other right back but he said that I could make my skin breath at least three days.” I replied nonchalantly but I was aware of the dread feeling that was starting to claw at my chest. 

Since I was 25 I started hiding my pulse with a special patch what looked like actual skin and had to change it every two years.

Hiding the proof that I was a Tamer.

A Tamer without an Ashifter.

The technology was more advanced in Tamers and Ashifters' field, the government wanting to hide them more than anything, so the patch not only could hide the fact that I was a Tamer, but actually suppress The pull and my skill as a Tamer.

It actually made me a simple human.

If it wasn't for the awful feeling I was getting every time I looked at my pulse. It made me feel like I was hiding myself, like I was doing something very terrible, that I was going to regret it for the rest of my life.

Like I was stealing someone's chance to meet me and get my help.

But I always had to remind myself that I spent years of searching them but they never did anything to actually meet me so I did what was best for me.

“Never thought of leaving your pulse free?” 

“Dad...” I started but shut my mouth when he continued.

“It's been years. You don't even know what happened to your Ashifter. I really don't think you will meet him. You both decided to not meet, first them and now you, so you could stop using that thing. You now it makes your skin redden and I now sometimes it hurts. It's not a perfect device, like any other concerning Tamers or Ashifters, and it can cause damage over time.”

I knew he was right, I knew it well but I still couldn't go on seeing my tattoo and reminding me that there is someone there who needed me but didn't want me. Who decided for both of us. Who could actually stopped existing and I could never know.

They say that the Ashifters are the ones that need us and not the other way around but it was just a big lie. Maybe Tamers don't need Ashifters physically, but there is a huge gap inside you that can be filled just when you are near the other. But how could I know when all I could sense is an awful feeling of not being complete, of having an empty tear in my soul, making me anxious every time I started paying attention to it.

I took a few breath and smiled at my dad, getting up taking my plate to the kitchen and putting it in the sink.

“I will go and change.” I said taking the stairs to my bedroom and I could hear my father sighing before starting to eat.

I didn't liked this situation neither, but it was already too late.

I sat down on the bed, painful thoughts of not being good enough for an Ashifter, of not having even a chance to meet them, to help them stay on the ground, of those minutes when I felt The Pull when I was younger and so eager to meet them, of dreams of becoming best friends crushed when, after travelling over almost all the continent, I realised that they actually avoided me and thinned out The Pull as much as they could.

I didn't even realised that my breath started to come in heavy puffs of air, until I felt my mom's hand on my shoulder.

“Chris, hey, breath sweetie.” she murmured passing a hand through my hair, and I could feel my body relax and my lugs expand.

“Sorry.” I said after some minutes, when my mom sit down near me.

“It's nothing you should say sorry for. You know your dad is only concerned about that thing you use. He's not really fond of these new devices, don't take it to heart.” 

“I know. But sometimes... I feel awful for using it. I feel like I'm hiding.” I said looking down at my hands and then at the clock. Forty minutes until the appointment I had at the doctor for the new patch. “I always wanted to have the relationship you have with your Ashifter, having them as best friends for life.”

My mom just smiled, rubbing my arm, resting in silence for a few minutes. She knew nothing could feel me better when it come to my Ashifter, not even her sweet reassurance that I was a skillful Tamer, that she was proud that I took my training seriously and that I was really good.

“I should change.” I said indicating the clock with a sigh and she sit up, wanting to say something when we heard Scott yelling from downstairs.

“Mom, mom! Come down!” 

Mom made a confused face towards me at my brother's almost frightened tone and when mom left my room I decided to follow her.

“Lisa, look.” said my dad frowning in front of the TV, near Scott who was on the couch with huge eyes.

“Oh no, it can't...” she started and the instant when I turned to look at the screen my heart stopped beating for some seconds. I remained numb on the spot, feeling like someone just throwed iced water all over me, but a burning sensation started to spread inside my chest making me ache and even harder to breath. It was like my veins were full of lava, my insides turning hot with every second I fixed the screen.

I could feel my body started to shiver, the new feeling starting to suffocate me that I could barely feel the tattoo on the wrist starting to pulse like it had a life on his own and just when my mom put herself in front of the TV I cradled my pulse in my arms and my knees gave up startling all my family.

“Chris, what...” my mom started but I could barely hear her, looking at my wrist shocked.

It pulsed.

The tattoo pulsed.

“Oh my God.” I felt my brother taking me by the arm and sitting me down on the couch and I instantly looked up at the screen wanting to see more.

Needing to see more.

More information, more anything, but I felt my heart sink when the news went on, that awful gap in my chest starting to get darker and hollow yet again.

“No, no, no!” I almost screamed sitting up but my father pushed me down and I looked at him firmly. “You don't...” I started but when my mom put a hand on my shoulder I closed my mouth.

She took my hand, slowly caressing my tattoo and smiled sadly.

“So it finally pulsed.” she said to herself then she looked at me and I saw her shoulders slumping down. “So what did you see on the TV, Chris?”

_The most beautiful creature ever_ I wanted to answer her.

Even now I could see perfectly that feline strong lean body, deep blu-sky ferocious eyes as it jumped nearer the camera even if it was filmed in the night illuminated only by a cars' headlights.

And just then it hit me.

“They are searching it. Some guys went camping and it appeared in front of them, it jumped on the car but it did nothing than staring for a few minutes and then run.” explained Scott and even if I knew what that meant I couldn't... I just didn't want to think that maybe...

“It went rogue, Chris. No Ashifter in his right mind would go around like this.” 

And I chocked when I felt like a huge rock just settled on my chest, making my body hurt and I wanted to scream, I wanted to run to it and just...

“Ok, Chris calm down and...”

“Where was it?” I asked without looking up.

I found them and sure as hell I wasn't going to let it go like northing happened. It didn't matter that maybe... maybe it lost control.

I was a Tamer and I was definitely going to do anything I could.

I didn't want to think that maybe it was a lost case, that it was too late, I just couldn't.

I took big breaths and looked at my family with determination.

I wouldn't let it go.

“Just outside of New York.” said Scott and I gave him a tight smile, thinking about how I could find it.

Find it before the government.

“I will go do some calls and see if someone knows something.” murmured mom already going to the phone and then my dad squeezed my shoulder in silent support, my brother patting me on the knee.

Sometimes I think that I really couldn't survive without them.

After some minutes, when I calmed down, I told them that I'd go upstairs and call some of the Ashifters I know and my first thought went to Scarlett.

She was famous and knew a lot of people so maybe there was a chance.

I started dialling her, all the time my heart pounding like crazy, when she finally answered.

“Chris? Hey.”

“Hi, sorry for the late call, I have to ask you something.” I immediately said. I wanted to waste as little time as possible.

“Sure, what's wrong?”

“Did you watch the news?”

“Umh.... no.” and I could hear some clicks and shuffling. “What news? If' it's something I have to watch just give me the headline or something, I'm already in front of the computer.”

“It's from today. About a panther walking free just outside of New York.” I could hear her sudden inhale of air and that was all I need to know that she realised that it was an Ashifter.

I waited with my heart in my throat all the way Scarlett watched the news, hoping that maybe she could help me.

“Dammit...” she said after some minutes, and the anguish in her voice was clear as day.

“Do you know who it is?” I asked sitting on my bed.

_Please._

“It's yours?” she asked instead and I suddenly became aware of my trembling hands on the phone. “Because if _he_ is... you are in big trouble.”

“Scarlett... just tell me what you know.” I took a slow breath. “Please.”

“You should have been able to recognise him immediately, Chris. Did you at least looked at him? Looked at his eyes? 'cause even I could make out who's those blue eyes are.”

“Scarlett.”

“Goddamn, it's Sebastian.”

And suddenly my head was swimming, my heart beating like a caged animal who wanted free, and I felt the panic starting to rise again, stopping the air in my lugs.

It was him...

All along.

“You... a-are you sure?” I asked slowly, passing a hand over my face, the guilt starting to claw at my chest.

“Breath, Chris. And yes, I'm sure and you know it. I talked to him when we finished filming, he knew all along what will happen to him, probably that's why he left so early.”

“... and that was why he was behaving strange on the set. He was losing himself... Oh my God. Shit. I-I...” it was all my fault.

He was right behind me, he was there all along but we couldn't connect because I was using the patch.

He is out there because of me. Because I was such an idiot that I wanted to hide that I was a Tamer.

His Tamer.

It was all my fault.

_My fault._

“Chris! Chris, don't! I know what you think, it's not your fault. He started to hide, and you just did the same. You are both a bunch of morons but now it's not the time to think about it.”

“But it's my fault.” I said blinking rapidly, trying not to let tears flowing down my cheeks but it was impossible. I choked on a sob when I felt salt in mouth, wiping my face. “If they catch him it will be all my fault. I was the one who was wearing the patch when he was right next to me. If he will be catch... I couldn't live with this guilt. I just put my Ashifter in the hands of those assholes, if they cage him...” and when I heard Scarlett's angry growl I closed my mouth.

“Will you shut up now? Stop your guilt trip and start looking for him. I can't be entirely positive of his outcome Chris, because I saw him and he was... ready and resigned about his life. And... he had a bracelet.” she almost whispered the last words but I could hear her perfectly because my body freezed for some seconds.

“What!?”

Ashifter devices were worse than those for Tamers, mostly because we didn't have supernatural powers, an other identity, and the damage was way worse. And the bracelet was really the one most avoided.

“Chris.” she said after some minutes of silence and I rubbed a hand over my face again, my tears mostly dried, making my skin feel tight, and tried to push down some of my negative thoughts and guilt.

I had to find Sebastian.

“I-I'm alright. I should call someone who knows him, his family or something.” but I didn't have any phone number of his family, I didn't even knew exactly were he lived.

“Anthony. Call Anthony, he will know something.”

“Yes. Shit, thanks Scarlett. You just don't know how much you helped me, I...”

“Just find him Chris, don't let them take him.” she said with a bittersweet voice that made my chest feel heavy. “Bye and call me when you find him, if you need my help I'm right here.”

“Thanks.” I just responded finishing the call and straightaway searching for Sebastian's number but as expected it send me to his voicemail and just hearing the sound of his voice soothe something of the pain I was feeling but I hang up and dialled Anthony's number. It didn't last one second that he answered.

“Sebastian?” he asked in an anxious voice that put me suddenly on edge, making my chest ache again.

It wasn't right what was happening, it just wasn't.

“I'm Chris.” I said and Anthony exhaled a few time and cleared his throat of any emotion.

“Sorry, I didn't look at the ID when I took the call. What's up?”

“Actually... I called to ask you about Sebastian. He... didn't answered the phone and... I saw the news.” I said not knowing how to explain him that I was Sebastian's Tamer. I was pretty sure that Anthony knew about his friend's genes but I still had to be careful if it wasn't the case.

“The news.” he deadpanned. “Chris, I don't have time, I have to leave the phone free because I'm waiting for a really, really important call and...”

“The panther.” I suddenly said and he stopped.

“Sebastian didn't tell me that you knew too.” Anthony's voice took a new, saddening edge and it made me want to punch something or cry.

“He actually didn't...” I started and in that moment I heard a knock on my door, followed by my mom. She had a gloomy expression and when she saw that I was on the phone she just shook her head indicating her own that he was gripping in the palm and it sent a stab in my already aching chest. “He... I mean. I-I'm his Tamer.” I said returning my attention on Anthony and the next few seconds of silence made me nervous.

“What.” he murmured “But Sebastian... he said that when a Tamer and an Ashifter meet they suddenly know, and... the touch... the connection is made by a simple touch and you guys hugged and... I don't get it.”

I looked towards my mom who was sitting near me, rubbing my back in comfort, and it gave me more strength to say the next words.

“I was hiding... I was hiding my powers as a Tamer.”

“Goddammit, Evans!” came Anthony's angry reply “All this shit could have been avoided. You were right next to each other and you just had to... fuck it all. Damn. Sorry. It's just that I was with Sebastian almost all the time when he felt like his world was crumbling and I can tell you man, it is no fun. At all. He doesn't deserve this shit, what a fucked world. And now he just...”

“I need to tell me where he is. Now I know and I could help him.” I said in a small voice but I knew he heard me. But his answer made my heart sink, negative thoughts to rise and guild started to eat my core again.

“He's been missing for five days now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started working and I didn't have time for fanfiction and I actually started to forget that i have an incomplete one.  
> But yeah... here's a new chapter 'cause i like Chris crying.
> 
>  
> 
> As always... sorry for my bad English.  
> But I still hope that you enjoyed it and HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY FULL OF HUGS AND KISSED AND CHRIS FEELS.


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